Here’s how to tell if you’re a blamer: When something goes wrong do you immediately want to know whose fault it is or do you make room for empathy and accountability? If you’re guilty of the former, you’re probably a bit of a blamer—But take heart, you’re in good company. In this animation by the Royal Society for the encouragement of Arts, Brené Brown shares a funny story illustrating the magnitude to which she’s a blamer (spoiler: it ends with her getting hung up on by her husband). Brown goes on to share some research and insights into this toxic behavior—Here are two interesting takeaways:
Blame releases discomfort and pain: We often try to fault others for our mistakes because it makes us feel like we’re still in control. “I’d rather it be my fault than no one’s fault, says Brown.” But leaning into the discomfort of mistakes is how we can learn from them. “Here’s what we know from the research,” says Brown, “blame is simply the discharging of discomfort and pain. It has an inverse relationship with accountability. Blaming is a way that we discharge anger.” To read more from Heather Hurlock, click here.
Nicolle Osequeda, LMFT, is the founder of Lincoln Park Therapy Group, specializing in anxiety, depression, and relationship counseling in Chicago. As a Certified Daring Way™ Facilitator, she incorporates Dr. Brené Brown’s research into her therapy. Nicolle holds a Master’s in Counseling Psychology from the University of San Francisco and is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist in Illinois and California. She is a Clinical Fellow of AAMFT, a member of IAMFT, and the Financial Therapy Association. Nicolle has Gottman Method training and has taught at DePaul University, dedicated to helping individuals and couples achieve meaningful change. 
