New City, New Friends

“I give you this to take with you: Nothing remains as it was. If you know this, you can begin again, with pure joy in the uprooting.” Judith Minty, Letters to My Daughters

Moving to a new home can be hugely stressful but if you’re also moving to a new city at the same time you could find yourself experiencing a range of new emotions that might make you want to cower under the covers. This post will cover some tips on finding new friends in a new city.

At first there is the thrill of the new, the shock of transplanting yourself in a totally different environment and the joy of discovering the wonders of your new world. Perhaps a certain amount of fear or even terror could creep in at the thought of starting your new adventure without your support structure –your friends, family and familiar surroundings. You might even doubt your decision to move in the first place if the fear has you strongly in its grip.

Finding Friendship

Luckily, there is that great saying, “go where the fear is…” and no matter how scary it may be, know you can find the inner strength to start to engage with your new “home.” Part of being able to cope with your new surroundings is having the comfort of a friend to confide in and a shoulder to cry on.  Someone to commiserate with or a pal who can support you as you explore the often pleasant surprises of your new neighborhood. Finding your friendship circle in a new city is going to need to be high on your to-do list.

Even gregarious extroverts can find this step challenging. It’s quite a different journey making friends with people as adults. You have to make a concerted effort otherwise you are going to end up at home watching Netflix and having long conversations with your friends ‘back home,” never embracing your new home. Here are a few suggestions that might help you get out into the friendship search.

New Kid on the Block App Options

“Once you’d resolved to go, there was nothing to it at all.” Jeannette Walls, The Glass Castle

You could start your “search” online at the beginning. You could join Meetup where you sign up to meet new people who share your particular passions, hobbies, sports or other interests. One of the largest topics in the Meetup Socializing category is “New in Town” which means that you will be meeting a whole group of people who are in exactly the same position you are in and do not have an established friendship group yet. City Socializer is another incredible App for meeting people in interesting places in your new city.

If you are feeling creative, sign up to InstaMeet which are Instagram meet ups for those who would like to explore their city by taking photos. You can find the specific chapter in your city on Instagram’s Community page. You simply sign up and go along to an event that grabs your attention. If you have a dog you can always download the Meet My Dog app and meet pet lovers in your area for chats and play time.

For women, there is a site called GirlFriendCircles where you can meet other women in small groups at cafes. Hey!Vina is another fabulous site for meeting other women who share similar interests to you.

You can also join a local networking & professional organization. There are a wide variety of LinkedIn or meet up groups catered to your gender, industry and professional interests looking to connect with people just like you. Two that spring to mind in the Chicago area are the Professional Women’s Cluband the Young Professionals of Chicago.

Reaching Out

“My, my. A body does get around.” William Faulkner, Light in August

You can also ask your existing friendship tribe if they have friends in the city you are going to and if they would do an introduction for you. We all know how scary it can be to land solo in a new place and many people will be more than willing to get together for a lunch, dinner or a drink. Remember that starting new friendships takes effort and time so be prepared to commit to putting in the initial hours to yield long lasting friendships.

At your workplace, attempt to connect with your co-workers and join them on lunch dates as often as you can. You will soon get invited to outside functions.

Taking a class offers a wonderful opportunity to learn something new and find a group that shares your passions. CourseHorse is a fantastic site where you can find a class on almost anything. Need even more ideas? How about:

• Volunteering
• Engage with your neighbors or co-workers
• Use your social media to find friends of friends in your vicinity
• Try socializing apps or websites
• If spiritual, find a local place of worship
• Join a gym, running group or social sports club
• Connect with your local alumni network from your college

Be Open to the Possibilities

When you can open up and share a little of your vulnerability, friendship can easily start to grow. Learn to say “yes!” to the opportunities that all of this change is presented to you and go with the flow.

“And the danger is that in this move toward new horizons and far directions, that I may lose what I have now, and not find anything except loneliness.” Sylvia Plath

If you are feeling lonely and unable to find your way to connecting to others give me a call so we can help you to find the way forward through counseling.