Something I’ve been noticing—both in my own parenting and in therapy sessions—is how often we try to manage what others think, feel, or do.
Even when we know it’s not our job, it’s hard to let go.
That’s why the phrase “Let them” has been echoing in my mind lately.
Let them talk about you.
Let them misunderstand you.
Let them make their own choices, live with their own consequences, and learn their own lessons.
It’s a mindset shift that’s been circulating on social media for a while now—and for good reason. In just two words, it offers a radical invitation to release control, stop overfunctioning, and return to yourself.
Not About Apathy—But Alignment
Some people hear “Let them” and assume it’s about disengaging. About giving up, or stopping care.
But when used with self-awareness, it’s actually about something much deeper: boundaries, emotional maturity, and a return to what’s aligned for you.
It says: It’s not my job to convince you.
It says: You get to be who you are—and so do I.
It says: I can show up as my full self without shrinking to meet others’ expectations.
The Emotional Labor of Trying to Control
So many of us—especially those who are thoughtful, relational, or emotionally attuned—spend a lot of time and energy trying to manage others:
- Their opinions
- Their comfort
- Their behavior
- Their reactions
We overexplain. We soften. We hustle for understanding.
And sometimes, we forget that we’re allowed to just be—without needing to prove, persuade, or perform.
A Personal Example: Parenting Side by Side
For me, this mindset hits home in parenting.
As a therapist who’s spent years learning about emotion regulation, brain development, and connection-based parenting, I feel deeply committed to being intentional with my child.
And yet—I’m co-parenting with someone who doesn’t share that same passion for emotional development or reflection on how we were parented.
That’s hard.
It’s tender. It’s frustrating. It stirs up the part of me that wants to protect and control—even when I know that’s not my role.
But I’ve learned that when I grip too tightly to what’s not mine, I lose my own grounding.
So I return to the phrase: Let them.
Let them parent how they parent.
And let me parent in a way that reflects who I am.
It doesn’t mean I don’t care. It means I’ve stopped gripping so tightly.
“Let Them” Is Also an Invitation to Come Home to Yourself
Let them believe what they believe.
Let them misread your intentions.
Let them opt out of growth or avoid the hard conversations.
And…
Let yourself:
- Say what matters to you
- Set boundaries without apology
- Be misunderstood without spiraling
- Keep showing up in ways that align with your values
It’s not about detachment. It’s about emotional sustainability.
Choosing Peace Over Proving
Of course, letting go doesn’t always feel peaceful at first.
Sometimes, it feels like losing ground—or even losing parts of yourself.
But slowly—over time—it creates space for something different.
For rest. For self-respect. For relationships that don’t require constant negotiation to feel safe.
The more we release the need to control, the more we begin to trust:
That the people meant to understand us, will.
That our worth doesn’t live in someone else’s approval.
That peace is something we can choose, even when others don’t.
Reflection Questions
If this idea speaks to you, here are a few prompts to explore:
- Where in your life are you working overtime to be understood, validated, or approved of?
- What’s something you’ve been trying to control that might not be yours to hold?
- When do you feel yourself shrinking to maintain peace or comfort for others?
- What would it look like to trust yourself—and let others be responsible for their own growth?
Courage Starts Small
Letting go of control doesn’t mean letting go of care.
But it does mean letting go of the urgency to fix, to manage, or to be all things to all people.
Vulnerability and courage don’t always feel easy—but they do become more familiar with practice.
And the more we practice, the more we connect—to ourselves, to our people, and to a fuller, richer version of life.
You don’t have to stop caring. You’re just allowed to stop gripping so tightly.
And in that loosening… something softer might emerge.
Therapy Can Help You Find That Alignment
If you’re feeling pulled in every direction—or struggling to hold your boundaries without guilt—therapy can help.
At Lincoln Park Therapy Group, our Chicago-based therapists help you reconnect with your values, reclaim your voice, and move through life with greater clarity and confidence.
👉 Reach out today to get matched with a therapist who meets you where you are.
Additional Resources
Self-Compassion as Self-Care – 5 Simple Tools for Mental Health and Well-Being
Nicolle Osequeda, LMFT, is the founder of Lincoln Park Therapy Group, specializing in anxiety, depression, and relationship counseling in Chicago. As a Certified Daring Way™ Facilitator, she incorporates Dr. Brené Brown’s research into her therapy. Nicolle holds a Master’s in Counseling Psychology from the University of San Francisco and is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist in Illinois and California. She is a Clinical Fellow of AAMFT, a member of IAMFT, and the Financial Therapy Association. Nicolle has Gottman Method training and has taught at DePaul University, dedicated to helping individuals and couples achieve meaningful change. 
